yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
