This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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