We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
