Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
