smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
