i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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