this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
