We're facebook friends in real life
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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