I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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