WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
As shirtless as possible
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
