Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
