What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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