i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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