Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
