you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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