shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
