I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
