There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
