it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
