honey bunches of taint.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
