sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
