i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
NoShamevember. You game?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
