I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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