OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
