found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
