SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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