drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
