Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
