Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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