one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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