So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
