Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
someone threw a dead crab at me
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
