It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Randomize
