I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Someone signed my nipple.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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