And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
