I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
