Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Porn is love you can see.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
