All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
