Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
