i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
