I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Enjoy the penises
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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