Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
