It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
