thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
