Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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