dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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