No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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