wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
everyone is single if you try hard enough
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
