If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Boobs are out for the taking
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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