Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
