Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
