Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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