dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
